You choose to hang back and watch. No problem, they don't begrudge you for that. But as they play they're building new memories about each other. They're creating associations of certain people being fun to hang around, and someone to think of when they want to have more good times down the road. If you're always on the sides, you're not going to be as much a part of those mental images. You'll be more like an extra in the background. Usually if you're not well matched with a social circle you won't become friends with them in the first place.
At other times you'll end up in the group for one reason or another, but once you're there you're not quite compatible with everyone, and they start showing their indifference toward you. They don't dislike you enough to actively push you out, but they don't fully embrace you either. One way you may be mismatched with a group is you don't enjoy the hobbies or activities that they do.
Or you may like the same pastimes, but can't or don't take part with their level of intensity. For example, you don't like video games, or that when you've played with everyone in the past, you weren't as enthusiastic or competitive. If the group stays in and games most of the time when they hang out, it's not surprising if they don't make much effort to get you to come. Again, they may see this as a thoughtful move, since they figure you wouldn't have a good time.
I've emphasized in this article that sometimes when someone's friends seem indifferent to them, the indifference or seemingly exclusive behaviors don't have bad intentions behind them. Sometimes though you can end up with "friends" who don't really like you, but won't just come out and say it. Instead they'll subtly be necglectful to you, and hope you'll eventually take the hint and go elsewhere. This kind of thing happens most often in high school, when everyone can be more petty and immature , and circumstances and social dynamics can force people and groups together that really shouldn't mix.
If you decide you're not the best match for your social circle you've got a few options. Before you do anything though, realize that being incompatible with a group doesn't automatically mean you're a social failure who did something wrong. No can can click with everyone they meet.
You could act the exact same way with a separate group and get a totally different response: Find another group of friends who's a better fit for you and appreciates you more. You might feel like your current group is your only option, but there are always other friends to be made.
Accept you're not a core member of the group and mostly pull away from it, but continue to be cordial and hang out with everyone here and there when it suits you. Try to raise your standing in the group, for example, by showing more interest in the things they're into, or by generally working on your social skills. Be careful with this route.
You don't want to chase the approval of a group that may never see you as one of them. It sounds like its time to make new friends. Your "friends" sound cliquey, rude and inconsiderate. You see, they make themselves feel better by being exclusive. Maybe that makes them feel special? Only an immature insecure person would do that. It soundsd like you are more mature then them and you need to move on and find people to hang out with that are more your type.
I decided it was time to move on.. Good luck love, hope this helped! AmberChick Xper 4. I have been where you are 2, it sucks, everyone is right, make new friends! You in college by chance? Jillian Xper 4. I know how you feel! I have a communication disorder, and I've gotten left out of everything, never having real friends.
Trust me, you're being used! Just get away from them and find people that accept you for who you are. We can chill if you want to. I'm just playin ;. Like other people have said, just find new friends. They don't really care about you, so why should you care about them? Confused Yoda. They aren't real friends find new ones.
DeanWillis Xper 7. Related myTakes. What God teaches about forgiveness. Otherwise you have to keep trying your best in the face of the fact that you can never be totally sure what everyone thinks of you. What you don't want to do is give up on making friends entirely, or become overly paranoid and insecure about how people may see you. This one isn't very fair. We all know people can be mentally lazy and prejudiced.
You could belong to to a group that a lot of your peers don't immediately consider friend material. Even if their reasons for it are vague and ill-defined, it still causes them to overlook you. You could be the only brown kid in a mostly white school. Or maybe you're the only hippy type at a preppy college. A similar idea is when you have a past reputation that taints how people see you. Some people may like you just fine, and have no problem talking to you in certain circumstances, but they never invite you out because you're not interested in the things they do in their off time.
Or you may be interested, but not able to keep up with them to the point where they can have you around. Or you may just seem like you're not interested. For example, you may get along with some people in your university residence, but because you aren't into dancing they don't invite you out when they go clubbing.
Another group of friends may play basketball on the weekends. You may play too, but not at their level, so asking you to come wouldn't really work out. It's not personal really. They may even assume you'd be bored and are not inviting you out of consideration. The situation that's fixable is when you just don't appear that you're into a certain activity. A fairly common example is when someone in college would have no problem going to a party, but because they come across as more conservative and buttoned-up people assume they're not down for that kind of thing.
If they clarified they were interested in parties they may start getting more invitations. Or a group of friends could like going to see live music.
Because you've never mentioned anything yourself about liking to watch bands, the idea of inviting you along never crossed their minds. Sometimes you'll go out with some new people and it just won't go very well. Often the reason isn't that dramatic. The compatibility and rapport just wasn't there. On occasion someone may make more obvious mistakes that really cut off the chance of future invitations coming their way.
Like they may embarrass themselves by drinking too much and acting like a try-hard goofball. Although it can be a great place to meet friends, some people get confused when they try to hang out with their co-workers and don't get a lot of positive responses. Some reasons this may be are: The co-workers are just putting in their time.
They see work as a place to tolerate so they can make money, not a social mixer. You may be great if they got to know you, but that's not something they care about giving a chance. They've already got friends outside the office, and have their blinders on toward making more. They've got a family to go home to and are too busy to meet new people or hang out once the day is over.
They may be open to making friends in theory, but being at their crummy job sours their outlook just enough to make it a no go. Your co-workers may be judging you on your relatively boring, dull, "professional" demeanor, and not the real you. University classes can be the same.
Obviously the environment is one of the best places to make friends , but not everyone you meet is into that. Some of the students you'll come across are just there to show up, take their notes, and leave. Maybe you and a friend aren't necessarily arguing, but you aren't on great terms , either. This can happen when you've had a rough time of things and have argued a lot in the past. Your friendship will stay in a fragile state for a while and until it's stronger your friend may exclude you from certain events.
There Just Weren't Enough Invitations. Let's face it, not everyone can get invited to everything. Maybe space or budget was limited, and as a result you didn't make the cut. This can feel very personal if you're the one excluded, but give your friends a break here. They probably feel awful that they can't invite you and wish they were able to have you come along.
This type of thing happens a lot with weddings, where budget is limited and certain friends are invited while others might not be. Call it an honest mistake, but sometimes our friends just assume things about us. If they think we'll be bored or uninterested in whatever they happen to be doing, they'll invite people they know for sure will have fun. When people that know each other well get together, there is a shorthand in terms of communication, and as a result new people won't feel as comfortable joining in.
In a larger group, it's harder for new people to get to know each other. So perhaps some new folks have entered the scene and your friend just wants to get to know them a little better, away from the hustle and bustle of your regular group. If that's the case, you might not get invited to a dinner or event.
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